


someone you loved

by karaseido



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miya Atsumu is a Little Shit, Post-Break Up, Soft Sakusa Kiyoomi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26102161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karaseido/pseuds/karaseido
Summary: sakusa got an offer to be a vocalist of a band
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, sakuatsu - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	someone you loved

Music is one of Sakusa's passion. It may not look like he's not into that thing because he's often seen as an aloof person and people are afraid to approach him because he's always wearing a face mask and glares at every person as if he's disgusted to them.

Joining a band, especially as a vocalist never crossed his mind before. He's just contented writing lyrics, be it a happy one and or sad. He could tell that he has a nice voice but he didn't expect to be caught singing in their university's garden by the guitarist of a band.

Anyways, the guitarist grabbed the paper Sakusa's holding. The lyrics are beautiful, at the time sad. It talks about how a person grown attached to someone then that someone suddenly left him, leaving him struggling on its own.

"This is damn sad. Don't tell me you suddenly came from a break-up?" The guitarist jokingly said to him but he saw how Sakusa's expression changes.

"I guess," Sakusa replied, fiddling the hem of his hoodie.

The guitarist cleared his throat, "So, want to be our vocalist? We really need one and your voice is really good."

Sakusa didn't answer. He's thinking whether he'll accept it or not. The situation is so sudden for him.

"You can think about it! But if you'll accept the offer, our club's room is on the second floor, beside the sports' club room. See ya!" The guy returned the paper to him. He waved and walked away from him.

_Vocalist, huh?_ He thought.

He put the paper back in his Clearbrook, which contains the collection of his self-made lyrics. The bell rang, indicating for his next class. He stood up and went to his class.

Being in school is really taxing for Sakusa. There are so many people, it's not really fit his liking. He'd always hated the crowds. He'd hate when someone is so close to him, not minding his personal space. And he's reminded of someone.

He sighed, shaking away those thoughts.

Sakusa arrived at the studio-apartment he rented near the university he's attending. He grabbed the door key from his bag and inserted it to the keyhole. When he opened the door, a warm air brushed his skin. He closed the door and threw his bag to the bed.

His mind wandered to the guitarist's offer. He's still contemplating whether he'll accept it. Sure, he already experienced singing in front of the people when he was still a child. But that was before. Everything changed. He also changed.

He changed his clothes, ate his dinner and went to his bed. His old routine came back. He couldn't help but missed a certain someone who has yellow-blonde hair with a smirk on his face who's always messing his routine. He's annoying at first but later on, his heart softened at him. He felt comfortable whenever he's there pestering him. Well, Sakusa's not approachable in the first place and he's really thankful that someone stayed at his side.

But he's now gone.

Sakusa felt a pang in his heart. He clutched his chest, tears started to well up in his eyes. He's really attached to this person that he even loves until now despite the pain he experienced from him.

He may look cold but Sakusa's very fragile. The tears slowly fall down to his cheeks. He shouldn't be thinking of him. He shouldn't be loving the one who broke his heart.

After a few minutes, he drifted to sleep while crying. The tears' stain is still visible to his face, so unlikely of him when he's at school. Putting a facade isn't new to him.

_Sakusa came out from their home with a heavy heart. He was just preventing his tears from falling. He couldn't tell Atsumu his family problem that he's carrying for years._

_He thought that being in a Dean's lister will make their parents approve his sexuality. Not only they scolded him for not choosing his parent' desired course for him but they also called him "faggot", "worthless child" and "a disappointment to the family"._

_He's been receiving these words since he came out from high school. Hearing those words came out from his parents' mouth made his confidence crumbled down. Being alone in high school is acceptable for him, but being alone in their own home that no one supports him shattered his heart more._

_Sakusa's on his way to the stone benches near the grandstand, their dating spot of Atsumu. He knew that he's the only one whom he can hold onto now. He really needs Atsumu's hug and comfort._

_He halted in his tracks, dropping the dean's lister certificate he's holding awhile ago._

_Sakusa felt like he's suffocating. His chest hurts, the tears that he was preventing earlier, came out from his eyes._

_He saw Atsumu kissing some orange-haired boy in their dating spot._

_He covered his mouth to prevent his cries but his sobs went louder. He couldn't believe it. It's too much for Sakusa to take it all in. First, his family who was supposed to be his number one support system and now, his lover, that supposed to be kissing only him._

_Why is the world ganging up on me?, He thought while crying._

_He felt his legs going to give up on him, he falls down to the ground with a thud that caught Atsumu's and the orange-haired boy's attention._

_His vision was getting blurry because of his tears but he saw how shocked Atsumu, "T-tsum-tsum... why?" He managed to ask between his cries._

_"T-tell me....why do I d-deserve t-this treatment? S-should I suppose to... only feel p-pain?"_

Sakusa woke up crying from his dream. It's always like this, waking up from the same nightmare. The day they broke up hunts Sakusa every night.

He really wanted to get angry to Atsumu. The pain he experienced every night and the countless nights he cried himself to sleep. It's the new part of his routine.

He sat up, wiping his tears away and went inside the bathroom to take a bath. It's always like this, waking up at 4 am in the morning, waiting for Mr. Sun to show up before he goes to school.

Saksua found himself standing in front of the club room. He's still not sure about the club but he'll give it a try. He's about to knock when the door suddenly opened, leaving his clenched hand in the air.

A man with dark, spiked-up hair and slightly thicker than average eyebrows showed up in front of him. Sakusa put down his hand.

"Uhm, what can I do for you?" The man asked.

"A tall guy with a bed head-like hair said that I'll come here if I'll accept the offer to be a vocalist in your band." He said quietly.

"Oh, you mean Kuroo?"

"Why did I hear my name?" The guitarist showed up at the back of the guy who opened the door.

"Hey, Mr. Curly! So you've decided to join?" Kuroo excitedly asked and shoved the other guy to the side. Sakusa nodded and Kuroo let him inside the room while the other guy closed the door.

The instruments are placed on the other side of the room. There are a drumset, a guitar and a piano.

Kuroo offered him a chair and Sakusa sat on it. Kuroo and the guy sat on the other chairs.

"So to formally introduce myself, I'm Kuroo and I play the guitar." Kuroo offered to shake his hand and Sakusa gladly accepted it.

"I'm Iwaizumi and a drummer." Iwaizumi also offered to shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you both. I'm Sakusa and I sing, I guess." He scratched his head in shyness.

"Our pianist is on the way-" Kuroo stopped talking when the door burst open, revealing a short guy, a blonde hair with black roots. Sakusa swallowed when he remembered a certain blonde.

"Speaking of. Kenma, come! We already have a vocalist." Kuroo called him and gestured his hand to come closer. Kenma walked in front of him and offered his hand, "I'm Kenma and I play piano." Sakusa shook his hand and nodded.

"I guess we need to practice now that we have a vocalist!" Kuroo announced and the other two nodded.

Joining a band isn't a bad thing for Sakusa, he guessed. He also familiarizes the personality of his members. Kuroo is the talkative one, Iwaizumi may look cold but he's very reliable and calm, and Kenma's quiet and reserved.

They usually practice after their classes. Seeing Kenma's hair really reminds him of Atsumu.

He really wanted to move on but his mind and heart won't let him. Thankfully, they didn't bump each other in the hallways because they have different courses and buildings that separate them. And well, Sakusa mostly avoided the places where he and Atsumu might see each other. 

While waiting for Kuroo who was called from the office, he glanced at the window of their room. 

Christmas is near and the air is slowly becoming cold. Last year, he celebrated it with Atsumu and they were so happy that time.

Sakusa balanced his academics and club activities. He's still a dean's lister after that all happened. 

Then Kuroo came back and announced, "Guys! We're part of the Paskuhan Concert! And we're the last one to perform!" 

Amazed was the word to describe Iwaizumi's face while Kenma has a blank expression. 

"Cool! We're finally gonna perform in front of many people!" Iwaizumi exclaimed. 

"Yep! We're definitely gonna show them the true power of Midnight Dreamers!" Kuroo excitedly said and laughed. Kenma snorted at him.

"Kenma, why?"

"Your creativity in names sucks," Kenma said it bluntly.

Clutching his chest, Kuroo dramatically said, "Babe, you're hurting my feelings."

Kenma grimaced at what he said, "Babe your face!"

Sakusa just shook his head and watch how the two of them bicker.

Nervous is always there whenever you're gonna perform in front of many people. Sakusa's hands were sweating and shaking in nervousness. He may perform when he was still a child but it doesn't change the fact that he's still nervous.

"Hey, are you okay?" Iwaizumi who was wiping his drum sticks and was sitting beside him asked.

"Just nervous. It's been a long time since I performed in front of a crowd." He honestly said.

Iwaizumi smiled at him and said, "Don't be. Your voice is so good and you're gonna nail it later. Just trust in yourself."

What Iwaizumi said calmed his nerves a little bit. After that, Kuroo told them to prepare because they're next to perform.

When the mc finally called their band's name and Sakusa felt nervous again. There are so many people watching and they're clapping at their entrance.

Kuroo introduced the first song, it's fun and a happy one. When Sakusa held the mic, he felt like the nervous he felt awhile ago suddenly vanished and enjoyed singing along with the crowd. He finally felt free. 

The audience raised their hands and bopped their heads to the beat of the songs. It was a good feeling to see that many people enjoyed their music.

Little did he know, his ex was watching together with someone. 

"For the lonely souls out there, and for people who had their hearts broken, here's our last song for you!"

Kenma started playing the piano, his finger pressing the keys gracefully and smoothly producing sounds. Sakusa felt like throat tightened but he gripped his mic tightly.

" I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me... " Sakusa started singing the first line softly. This song speaks about himself.

**_This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy_ **

**_I need somebody to heal_ **

**_Somebody to know_ **

**_Somebody to have_ **

**_Somebody to hold_ **

**_It's easy to say_ **

**_But it's never the same_ **

_**I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain** _

All the experiences he had and the heartaches he felt, the emotions came rushing into him. The crowd went silent and listened to his clear and delicate voice.

His eyes wandered to the audience and he almost drops the mic when he saw the familiar yellow-blonde locks in the sea of crowd.

The first person who said "I love you" to him and the very first person to broke his heart. 

"Now the day bleeds into nightfall and you're not here to get me through it all..." He followed how Atsumu's arm wrapped around the same orange-haired boy he kissed months ago.

_**I let my guard down** _

_**And then you pulled the rug** _

"I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved..." There's the stinging pain he felt in his heart. The same pain when he caught Atsumu kissing another guy. He closed his eyes because seeing him again brings back the pain. 

_**I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to** _

_**This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you** _

_**Now, I need somebody to know** _

_**Somebody to heal** _

_**Somebody to have** _

_"Hey."_

_Sakusa's sitting at the far corner, alone at the cafeteria when an unfamiliar guy sat in front of him. He looked like a thug, that was his first impression to Atsumu._

_Sakusa's raised one of his eyebrows, "What are you doing here?"_

_"Chill. The seats here are already full and the seat in front of yours is the only vacant." Atsumu explained with a smile._

_He didn't respond to him and went back to eating. Atsumu watched him with an amused expression._

_**Just to know how it feels** _

_**It's easy to say but it's never the same** _

_**I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape** _

_"Hey, we meet again." Atsumu appeared in front of Sakusa again. Sakusa glared at him but Atsumu smiled at him._

_"Isn't this some kind of destiny?" He teased Sakusa and he received a crumpled paper in his face._

_"Destiny your ass," Sakusa muttered before he went back from reading a book._

_**Now the day bleeds** _

_**Into nightfall** _

_**And you're not here** _

_**To get me through it all** _

_**I let my guard down** _

_**And then you pulled the rug** _

_**I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved** _

_"I'm Miya Atsumu. But you can call me Tsum-tsum! How about you?" Atsumu exclaimed. Sakusa sighed. It's been 1 week since this guy is pestering him._

_"Are you stalking me?" Sakusa asked._

_Atsumu laughed, "I told you, it's destiny! Now come on, just tell me your name, please!"_

_Sakusa just stared blankly at him._

_"Pretty please." Atsumu pleaded with a pout in his face._

_Sakusa couldn't help but laugh, "You looked ridiculous and you looked like Barry Benson in the bee movie!"_

_Atsumu was taken aback at how beautiful his laugh and his smile._

_"By the way, my name's Sakusa Kiyoomi."_

_**And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes** _

_**I fall into your arms** _

_**I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around** _

_"Omi, I brought you something!" Atsumu said and gave him a lunch box._

_"What the heck is this Tsum-tsum?" Sakusa accused him suspiciously._

_Scratching his nape, he said, "I cooked for you. Just open it! It's edible, I swear!"_

_Sakusa opened the lunch box and saw Umeboshi Onigiri. Atsumu saw how Sakusa's eyes sparkled and he looked adorable._

_"Umeboshi is my favorite!" Sakusa exclaimed and grabbed a rice ball and took a bite. He ate the Japanese Salted Plums next._

_"It's so good!"_

_"I know," Atsumu said while looking Sakusa eat._

_"Huh?"_

_"Omi-ya."_

_Sakusa hummed._

_"Will you be my boyfriend?" Atsumu suddenly asked. Sakusa choked because of his sudden question. Atsumu panicked and lend him his water bottle. Sakusa drink from it until he calmed down._

_"I'm sorry, it was so sudden." Atsumu bowed down is head._

_Sakusa finds it adorable. He's grown comfortable with his man. So why not?_

_Sakusa lifted his chin and look directly into Atsumu's eyes, "I'll be you boyfriend, Tsum-tsum."_

_Because of Atsumu's excitement, he kissed Sakusa's lips quickly and was about to pull away when Sakusa held his nape and deepened their kiss._

_**For now, the day bleeds** _

_**Into nightfall** _

_**And you're not here** _

_**To get me through it all** _

_**I let my guard down** _

_**And then you pulled the rug** _

_**I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved** _

Whenever Sakusa's sad, Atsumu would shower him his love and attention. Atsumu would shower his face with kisses until Sakusa will smile.

If not, Atsumu would imitate Barry Benson for Sakusa. 

Sakusa never experienced being loved and he's really thankful that Atsumu's always there for him. 

_**But now the day bleeds** _

_**Into nightfall** _

_**And you're not here** _

_**To get me through it all** _

_**I let my guard down** _

_**And then you pulled the rug** _

_**I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved** _

He fluttered his eyes open. No matter how Sakusa wanted to avoid looking at their side, his eyes would always look for him.

He saw how Atsumu kissed the orange-haired boy's forehead and his tears finally fell down.

It's really heartbreaking when you saw the person you've ever loved the most love someone that's not you. The person whom he considers as his best friend and lover before slipped away from his hand.

_**I let my guard down** _

_**And then you pulled the rug** _

Because for Sakusa, Atsumu's not only his best friend and his lover. He's his world. But now, he became someone's else world.

"I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved..." He sang the last line and bowed in front of the crowd.

Sakusa hurriedly went back to the backstage and went out of the podium. He ran with his tears blurring his vision and he didn't notice the rock in his way, that's why he tripped and fell on his knees.

There's a scratch on his knees and it's painful but nothing could compare the pain he felt in his heart when he saw them together.

His cried while clutching his chest. If there's someone else is in the area, the only thing the person could hear were crickets and Sakusa's cries.

"T-tsum-tsum... I r-really m-missed you..." Sakusa could only mutter while he knew to himself that Atsumu is happy with someone else that is not him.

Atsumu will not and will never come back to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> hiello i hope you'll like it 🥺


End file.
